“Scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue. Realize the strength, move on.”
— Henry Rollins
“Scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue. Realize the strength, move on.”
— Henry Rollins
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Max Ehrmann, Desiderata
The two hundred thousand peso dream. And it continues to rise with every economic change.
It may seem cliche to want to go to Paris, France. Everybody wants to go there so it would be natural to feel the same. But beyond that, I was also drawn to its cobbled, narrow streets, beautiful language and architecture, and even the mime artists.
Of course, I am forever a fan of the Eiffel Tower and my favorite photographer is none other than the legendary Robert Doisneau. I wouldn’t want to pick fights with a mime but I would love to see them in action. I have loved Audrey Hepburn, who has had a number of French roles and who introduced me to the beauty of France through her films. I know that escargot is a snail and I do not know if I would have the courage to try it someday but French cuisine especially with desserts and pastries, for me, still remains the best.
This travel dream is a whole lot of expense and based on my current financial status, I have no chance of getting there anytime sooner. So I temporarily feed my soul with a lot of pictures, blogs and movies of my ultimate world travel destination. When I ran across this blog, I was just happy because I felt I have met a kindred spirit.
Of course, she’s been there in the flesh which is also really awesome. And hopefully, my turn would come when the lights of Paris reflect in my eyes.
Whatever family environment we are raised, it is were we are able to form our self-esteem and personality. When we had autocratic and stingy parents, we learn to develop a meek, pitying personality. It sounds inspiring when you hear of somebody who is meek. But the truth is it’s really pathetic especially when used in the wrong situation.
So far. I have this list of bloopers that still embarrass me even in my subconscious. Eurgh! It gives me the creeps every time but I have to learn to let these go so I’m sharing them with you.
When I was in pre-school, probably my first or second year in school and I was a 4 or 5 year old. I wanted to “poo-poo” but I was embarrassed to tell my teacher so I said I was just gonna urinate when I was really doing a different business. Too bad, the comfort room ran out of water that time and it had to be located near my classroom. So you can just imagine the smell. PU! It really stank. I’m not sure if they ever realized it was me who used the comfort room because they were so busy doing an activity.
When I was in first grade, my father’s sister tagged me along to Country Mall with her family. She was the mean kind of aunt, by the way. And my bladder was bursting when we were in the home decor section. I just couldn’t hold in my urine any longer and I decided to piss in a lonely corner. My cousin caught me with the wet floor and I lied through my teeth that it was spilled water on the floor. I wasn’t sure what happened next because everything blacked out after that. And I’m not sure if they really bought my story. Hahaha. Well, it’s kinda funny to me but in an embarrassing way.
When I was in the fourth grade, I had a huge crush on this guy who was always wearing glasses even if there wasn’t anything wrong with his eyesight. He like my classmate and I always wanted to get his attention by teasing him. So I agreed to chase him through the school quadrangle during lunch time. It seemed really fun until I bumped onto the wall and fell to the ground with a loud sound. So, of course, the entire school saw me. Yeah, I don’t find it funny at all. And I’m afraid that a lot of people may still remember it.
In my first year during high school, we had this grand production of the “Helen of Troy” at SM Cinema One. We were all pressured into really doing our best. I guessed the school admin was vying for school popularity so the enrollees would increase by the next year. (Actually, it failed and caused the enrollees to decrease.) So I landed the role of Paris’ old mother who had this big scene when the Trojan women were carried away to be slaves. And I guess I went overboard with my acting. I cried and cried like a lunatic. I realized it was really scary. I seemed like I had a troubled youth. And I hope it has already been deleted from everybody’s memory card!!!
I graduated valedictorian in high school. Yes, it was very flattering. But it was even more embarrassing when I cried during my speech and I pronounced the word sweet as “swet.” Arggggghhhh. It was too embarrassing. All I can remember is that everybody went quiet. Or maybe I am still too paranoid about what happened and the people were just really quiet from the start. Or maybe they also went “extra” quiet. Unfortunately for this one, a lot of kids in the lower years who really idolized me still remember me as the crying valedictorian. I have already buried this event deep inside my subconscious when my sister said she had a classmate who asked her if her elder sister was the crying valedictorian from her old school. What a nightmare! I try to really laugh it off but if my skin coloring can cause me to turn red, my face would look like a ripe tomato.
For the entrance interview to the university I attended in college, I wrote on the blank space for skills and talents — acting and playing the piano even if I’m not a great concert pianist. And the interviewer made me do a portrayal of what I did on stage plays. I was awful. It was really bad but I was not sure if it helped me get in.
During my second year, one of my classmates had a debut party and I was lucky to be included in the 18 dance presentors. I was wearing a very loose white tube and it fell off together with the bra while I was dancing. I had a nipple slip and I wasn’t sure if everybody saw it because they didn’t seem to mind. Lucky for me, I had a partner who helped shield my topless look. Wardrobe malfunction. Eeeee. It’s why I understand how Anne Curtis felt and why I’m scared of wearing plunging tops.
Defibrillating a client who went into cardiogenic shock is a very serious situation and I made matters worst by losing my presence of mind. The client had a Bag Valve Mask. You have to keep pumping it to ensure the client is able to breathe but when you perform a defibrillation, everybody has to stay clear. And I didn’t know what to do about the pump that I kept holding onto it and the procedure was delayed. It was really embarrassing because I was so incompetent. Everybody said I was really dumb. And the patient died in the end. But I know it wasn’t because of me. Hmpf!
Well, I’ve had a lot more minor ‘bloopers’ but I’m glad I was able to vent these memories that have always haunted me here. It made me feel a little better by unburdening myself with all these. Looking back, I seemed like a really crazy kid with a lot of mental dysfunctions. I’m not sure if I grew up okay. As I’ve said, I continue to be a human “work in progress.”
I always knew everything is going to be a hard competition in the real world. Nobody lack the opportunity to remind me that before. I just didn’t expect I would have such a hard time staying in the game. Today, I risked the odds again. It was a tough initial process. I still have a lot of doubts and fears. Hopefully, I will be able to get in the bag. And be given my own break.
I don’t think I am being plainly pessimistic. But, if you see your answer sheet without your name on it being separated from the only source of information that could identify you, I guess you could be paranoid as well. (long, deep breath)
May the odds be forever in my favor.
Focus: Surgical Glove balloon
I saw this picture of kids using the surgical gloves as balloons during the school parade. And I was like, “Hey I got to do that first.” As if there was a patent for the balloons we made before. And as if I was one of the first people in the world to do it. I’m not really sure. But if I was, I’m already thinking that we were such geniuses. Hahahaha.
P.S. Picture taken 2 years ago, Oct. 1, 2010. Guy on the right side is Ryan Go. He was my classmate in college. We made the surgical glove balloon for our friend, Kuya Laurence on his birthday. We had to be creative and resourceful because we just got off from our hospital duty (which explains why we look like dish rags) and we were also out of budget at the time. Well I guess even until now.